Monday, 26 December 2016

Dear Baby

Dear Baby, 

I think it's time for you to come out. I'm not just saying this for my sake, though believe me, you'd be doing me a favour; I really think we would both be happier with you on the outside. You seem like a kid who doesn't like being crowded and I am a person who misses her ankles. They've always been neat and trim, which I know people don't expect from a fat lady, but they were even through my first pregnancy, but now I have sausages for toes and cankles and they really hurt when I need to squat down to do something. Like, really hurt. But this isn't about me or the fact that I have no patience for anything, this is about you and how much nicer it is on the outside. You missed Christmas, which is actually a good thing for you - you'll actually get to enjoy it next year and might even fit into the "baby's first Christmas" stuff which is all 9-12mos. Also, it's snowing today and Mama loves snow so how special would that be for your birthday? You have a Daddy and a grandmama and a big sibling who are all very excited to meet you. Your sibling in particular can't wait: that's her you keep hearing, asking if you're ready to come out yet. I think you are. And, look, I know that labour doesn't sound like a good idea. I'm right there with you on that, but I promise it'll be over and then everything is cuddles and boobies and bowel movements. 

You're ready, you can do this. Just give the signal and I'll do the rest. 

Friday, 9 December 2016

Knitting needles

Me: I couldn't remember the brand of knitting needles I was thinking of so I googled "expensive knitting needles" and they were pretty much all of the results.

Chris: Do you have some?

Me: No! I buy needles that are £6-10. These run *checks* $20-40, and for another $15 you can have them monogrammed. Plus shipping.

Chris: *stares*